articles on divorce are written based on the assumption that once a couple says they want a divorce that they are ready for divorce. It is our experience as therapists and divorce coaches, who have helped many people through this process that this is in fact not the case. Usually when couples begin the divorce process, either one but more often than not, both, are not really ready for the divorce. Divorce professionals such as therapists, mediators, and attorneys often believe that statements such as, “I’ve had it with him.” or “My feelings have died for her,” are indicators that the marriage is over. Attorneys often equate being hired for their services as an indicator that the couple is ready to divorce. This is not so. Most couples who begin a divorce are unprepared and are often not even on the same page when they begin. It is this lack of preparedness and readiness for a divorce that either causes marriages to end prematurely or divorces to deteriorate into competitive contests. The decision to obtain a divorce is one of the most crucial decisions a person can make, with consequences that last for years or a lifetime. A decision this important requires much greater attention than it is usually given by both couples and professionals. It is a process in and of itself. Once a couple is prepared and ready, they will sooner be able to begin their divorce by both being on the same page and this will eliminate most of the emotional and financial struggles that cause divorces to become adversarial and ruthless. By Bruce Derman, Ph.D. and Wendy Gregson, MS, LMFT Divorce Magazine, February 12, 2011 ]]>
